Loving You

Midlife seems to magnify our feelings about relationships. Either assessing the value of a current one or focusing on the one you’re missing and want to have.

There is nothing wrong with either of those things, but the truth is that the most important relationship of our lives is the one we have with ourselves. Permanent and real validation comes from INSIDE.

Why does it so often take the attention of another to tell us we are worthy?

Nothing will remind you of this faster than online dating! As a single woman in my 40s and 50s, I very reluctantly waded into this interesting field of virtual reality. A space where you can be immediately discarded with a glance or a swipe, many times over - while at the same time being pursued by a gang of rather scary characters.

It is hard not to take a hit on the confidence scale. And I say this as a person who is Irelatively secure in who she is. I can only imagine what it does to someone who is really fighting an internal battle with self-esteem.

THEN, one day you make a mutual connection and spend time with someone that values who you are and your entire perspective immediately changes. You question how you could have ever thought that others were worth two seconds of your brain power.

The point of the matter is that you are the SAME person in either scenario! And you have the power (and responsibility I believe) to validate yourself. That is done by learning to make your self-talk loving and gentle, by being your own biggest cheerleader and understanding WHY your mind sends you messages that want to take you in another direction.

Focus on a strong and nurturing relationship with YOU, and the rest will fall in place.