Enough-ness
Did you ever have a friend that made you feel really seen and appreciated for who you are?
One person comes to mind for me. I’ve had lots of good friends, but there was something different about Emmie. It was a long time ago, and she walks among the angels now. But that’s who I thought of in response to this question.
And it wasn’t just me. She made everyone who was around her feel that way. I’m sure why her circle of friends was so large.
I read recently that said a person shows up that way when they are not overthinking about themselves. Because that’s what most of us ARE doing by default.
In our heads is a stream of constant questions:
Am I showing up in the right way? What does this person think of me? Do I measure up to this group of people? Is this dish I’m bringing okay? Am I being too forward? Do I look fat in this dress? Did I offend someone? Is my house clean enough? My car nice enough? Will he think I’m attractive? Should I have said that thing in the meeting?
And a million other things.
Human nature, especially for women, is to always wonder if we are enough in every way.
It’s because the part of our brains that fire automatically, all the time, is built on a foundation of FEAR. Its origin is protection from danger, but it’s evolved to a constant scan for any possible thing, any little, tiny thing that could pose the slightest threat to our sense of self.
If we aren’t purposefully working against it, that is what the brain it is doing 24/7.
Do you ever wonder why sometimes you can’t pinpoint the reason for your exhaustion.. or anxiety?
The combination of being stuck in this fight or flight brain space, and a culture that makes women believe they have to be 100 things at once, does take a toll on us. And most of the time we don’t even know where its coming from.
In the end, this 'am I enough’ dialogue makes us over-centered on ourselves, which is usually the antithesis of what we’re trying to be.
EVEN IF we are doing for other people all the time, what we are thinking of most (in some way) is usually ourselves and how we’re being perceived. OF COURSE that makes a person more detached from what’s happening in the present.
So much so, that when you meet a person who IS truly present it kind of strikes you. You notice something different about them because it just isn’t what you encounter every day.
How do we fix this? By getting rid of this curse around enough-ness.
First by recognizing that it lives in us. And then, DECIDING to accept our worth and our ability to figure it all out. When these worries about ourselves arise, we refuse to let them circulate.
It takes some intention and practice. But we CAN become more resilient and present in our everyday lives, and THEN much braver and freer in creating our next best chapter.
