Authentically You

Leaving my marriage, after 23 years, in my mid-forties was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.

Despite being the initiator, I cried (very literally) every day for a year because I saw it as a failure, as an outcome I could have avoided (if I’d been true to myself from the beginning), and something that hurt others.

I knew some people would dislike me for making that choice, that others would be disappointed and that many shared friendships would never be the same.

Mostly, I knew that it would break the hearts of my children. Of course, it did.

And that gutted me, every day, for a long time.

In fear of all of these pain points, I stayed for far too long. We had a functional, respectful relationship. Some years were better than others. No one broke vows or did awful things. There were good times. There were attempts to work on it together. But we were just never two people meant for each other in that kind of union.

There came a point where I could not keep up with the pretense any longer. I just wanted to be REAL, with myself and in what I portrayed to everyone else.

Lots of people stay in that kind of marriage for a lifetime. Maybe some of you reading here today are relating. We’re taught almost, as women,  to take pride in commitment and perseverance,  disregarding anything that is being lost on a personal level.

I’m just here with a reminder that YOU MATTER.

In whatever the circumstance. My personal story here is about marriage, but we can lose ourselves in unfulfilling careers, in unrequited friendships, as caretakers, and lots of other things.

 We are here to be TRUE to ourselves. Why on earth would God create so many unique and beautiful people if the purpose was not to live completely as who you are?

Yes, we are also here to give and love and create, and grow. But the mission is to do all of those things AS the human we were created to be. Not as an imposter, or a martyr, or in sacrifice of ourselves.

If it’s all in sacrifice of ourselves, when does the genius in all of us (that needs nurture and experimentation) get shared with the world?

At midlife, it is past time to get REAL.

Where are you not showing up as exactly and authentically who you are designed to be?