The power of choice
In my last newsletter, we were talking about the ability to create thoughts that put us in a more positive emotional state. I was pointing out that you can actually have the emotions that you want before (or without ever obtaining) the THING that you believe will make you happiest.
I wanted to come back to that topic to mention a counter argument that I know is very common and to give you maybe the best reason of all to create these feelings NOW.
In response to this advice, people will say “This is inauthentic, shutting down the way I really feel. I can’t just pretend my way to happy.”
But that’s not what we’re talking about!
The fact is that you are creating the feelings you are having right now. The ones that don’t feel so great. Whether that is stuck, or regretful, or cheated … whatever is your biggest complaint. It isn’t what happens in life near as much as the conversation you have with yourself about it.
We create ALL of the emotion with our thoughts – so why not work on intentionally creating something better for ourselves?
Remember that science says thoughts create emotion. It’s also proven that our brains look for proof of what we currently believe (think) and NOT for counter evidence.
And here’s the VERY BEST reason to get busy on this transformation:
THOSE feelings (things like determined, empowered, energized…) are the ones that will take you where you want to go!
If your thought is “I missed that opportunity when I was young” What is the feeling that comes with it? Pretty unlikely that those I mentioned above are on the list.
If the thought is “I’m going to pursue my dream” – the feelings around it are much different.
Which do you think are more likely to inspire you along the way? To move you to action?
The feelings of regret and loss or the feelings of empowerment and determination?
YOU SEE? That is why working on your thoughts becomes the game changer. Leaving your brain unmanaged is highly likely to keep you exactly where you are.
I would never tell you this is always easy, only that it is optimal.
Sometimes you have to sit in your emotions awhile. Process them, decide exactly where they are coming from. Why does this make me so sad, or angry – whatever it is?
Many times, if we get really curious, we find that it has to do with a certain way that we feel about ourselves… or because we’ve painted a picture in our mind about how the world has to be in order for us to be okay.
I had a painful experience not too long ago. The hurt was deep and really, really hard to move past. But even while it was consuming me, I KNEW, from my experience with coaching, that my thinking around it was holding me in a place I didn’t want to be.
That can be hard too. Because when you know this, you tend to beat yourself up for just being human. But in the end, I gave myself grace, reframed the situation in a way that helped me feel better and moved forward.
Sometimes, the memory of this thing still brings a tear. But that’s okay. Because I know that I don’t have to live there - and the choices and actions of others are always going to be what they decide them to be.
I CHOOSE to hold myself in a place of strength and resilience. And that is my wish for you as well.
