Solving for Self-Trust

I’ve been thinking lately how so many coaching topics revolve around the need for self-trust. It isn’t a term we hear often. Confidence is the word I think we use in its place.

That is what everyone is looking for. We want something for our lives, but say that we don’t have the ‘confidence’ to go after it. People often say, I want to be more confident, how do I do that?

It begins with self-trust. Then, from taking action, building some proof points of what we are actually capable of and repeating the process, over and over. The reason we don’t do that is because we do not trust that we can work through any outcome, handle mistakes along the way, and let go of parts of our current life to have the one we really want.

Confidence is really about self-trust. It is about trusting that you are capable of things like…

figuring out something new,

handling a mistake or a disappointment

making good decisions

working through the outcomes of any decision that you make

knowing what’s best for you

Here’s something to think about.

We trust our bosses and our company to keep us gainfully employed, our financial advisors to handle our money. We trust our government, our religious institutions, our teachers, our banks, our partners, our friends and family (with our heart among other things). Virtually every day we put our trust in someone else. But cannot trust ourselves.

It means having your own back. Knowing you will make mistakes, but also that you can work things out. It means promising yourself a soft place to land when things go wrong, and not beating yourself up. Can you do that? And truly follow through, the way you would for a friend?

The reasons we don’t trust ourselves have to do with a very misleading dialogue from the base of our brain, from conditioning and from socialization. The last two of which have an outsized influence on women in particular.

As I talk to midlife women wanting to be energized about their life, this is the missing ingredient. It is WHY we don’t just go start making it happen. And I have no judgement there! It is me as well.

Through coaching and learning about all of the contributing factors, I trust more and step into uncomfortable places better than I ever have. But because we are human, and unfortunately conditioned very well, there are weeks I do well and times that I let old habits sneak in.

But I am AWARE. I know when I’ve done it and why. I am aware that I have the power to be different and just keep pulling myself back into a headspace that serves me better.

This week…. Work on trust in the most important person – YOURSELF!