Allowing Others to Hold our ‘Happy’ Hostage
Are you wishing someone else would change, so that you could be happier?
Most of us do at some point or another. It’s human nature because the easiest place to assign blame for anything is outside of ourselves. We do it without even having a conscious awareness.
But it is a sure fire way to generate even more UNhappiness!
The problem is that we have zero control over what another person does or does not do. Continuously waiting for something different is a recipe in disappointment, and gives all of our power away. Every person is unique and we all carry around a MANUAL for how others are supposed to act. We’d do far better in throwing away the manual and accepting people for exactly who they are.
This does not mean to accept abusive behavior. You walk away from that entirely. But for the million lesser infractions that make up the bulk of our lives, you CAN decide that another’s behavior will not affect your peace and happiness.
So, rather than thinking angrily about what a person is or is not doing, decide that they are doing their best, that their mind works differently than yours, or that this one infraction is small in comparison to what it is that they do well. Maybe your reframe (for someone not so close) is that this person is simply clueless. Whatever works to neutralize their behavior for you on an emotional level.
Some people interpret this as a weakness or a stepping down, but it is a show of strength. It is how you take ownership of your emotional well-being. We are FAR more capable of bringing OURSELVES to neutral, than we will EVER be at changing the actions of another human being. But, for some reason, we are never taught to do that.
Can you ask for or suggest something different inside of a relationship? Of course! But when that does not work out as you hope, find peace within yourself (or leave the relationship if the behavior is completely unacceptable).
When you don’t do this, you are allowing yourself to be emotionally codependent on another person.
Your happiness is your responsibility. Period.
